May Cause Miracles : Week 5

Week 5 is all about raising your self-worth, to raise your net worth. There is a quote from week 5 I really like: "If you dwell within abundance, you will have abundance"-Marianne Williamson. The chapter explains that we all have different relationships with money, and that this relationship starts at a young age. My relationship with money was probably first formed at the age of 4. This is the age that my parents separated, and my dad moved my brother and I 5 hours away from our hometown of Toronto to live in Ottawa and start over. Being a single parent was very difficult for my dad. We lived in subsidized housing (from ages 4-16). I didn't know what that was at the time, and always thought we just lived in a normal townhouse. We always had food on the table, and clothes on our backs, but there was definitely a sense of lack when it came to seeing what my school friends had. I never had the name brand clothes, never had the Fruit Roll Ups in my lunch, and didn't go on family vacations that required going on a plane. There were times in the winters when we would all sleep in one room to save money on the electric heating bill (which was ridiculously high to heat all the rooms in the house). Christmas morning didn't come with a ton of presents to open, but rather one or two large presents for my brother to share, and one or two smaller presents for ourselves. I was never unhappy about these things growing up, but I definitely noticed a difference between what I had and what others had. Whenever we went to visit our mom, we were spoiled with junk food, a swimming pool, shopping, and a trip to Disney World. At 16, I decided to move to my mom's and started working shortly after, so I was able to start buying my own things. I have ALWAYS looked for sales, and tend to shy away from the name brand stores. I definitely wasn't one of those girls in middle school that had the Club Monaco or Gap sweaters that were oh so popular. This trend has carried over into my adult life, and I still find it very difficult to purchase "expensive" clothes (which sucks because I get buyers remorse after going into Lululemon for my favourite yoga gear).

I got my first credit card at 18, and this started negative relationship with debt. I leased my first car with a $5000 down payment in 2006, and I JUST paid it off last month finally. I have borrowed money from my parents to make ends meet a few times. I still struggle with debt, but I am learning more and more about budgeting every year, and now the small amount of debt I have bothers me.

I do not remember a time in my life where I have felt that I've had enough money, or that my finances were in check.

It always comes back to the ego, and how the ego has forced you to associate money with fear. Here are the tricks the ego has to block abundance:

• The ego has a lack mentality-I will never have enough, I'll never afford it.
• The ego believes that passion has no purpose when it comes to making money-We can't have it both ways when it comes to earning. Passion is for hobbies.
• The ego has a get mentality rather than a give mentality-We need to get more to be happy.
• The ego creates addictive patterns around money-debt
• The ego emphasizes the external power of money-Money replaces love, and therefore there is a constant feeling of needing more to feel complete.
• The ego uses money to deepen your belief in separation-Money is a status symbol that makes the wealthy people happy and emphasizes the importance of external power.
• The ego is uncreative when it comes to money-Causes us to focus on manipulative action to get more. 
• There's never enough for the ego-It always needs more. 

I have unfortunately been under the ego's spell when it comes to each one of these tricks. I have been so focused on money over the past 10 years, that I have forgotten about fun and passion. 

Day 29 Affirmation

Today we had to ing write for 10 minutes about our financial fears and where they came from. My fear of lack comes from my childhood, and growing up in a single parent family. Not having enough money, scrounging to make ends meet, being in debt, not having the life I see for myself, these are all part of a lack mentality. This has carried into my adult life, and there is a lot of comparison with what my peers have, and what I am lacking compared to them. Envy, jealousy, anxiety, and fear all come to mind when I think about what I'm lacking financially compared to others. 

"So and so has such a nice house" "She can always go shopping" "They are always going on vacation" "Their clothes are nicer than mine" "They don't have any debt" "They don't have any bills to pay" "They don't have to worry about money"

All of these thoughts and more come to mind when I compare my financial situation to those of my friends and family. And sometimes I even go into attack mode and put them down because I don't have what they have. I think things like "Oh well that person still lives at home and doesn't have the amount of bills we do, their parents still pay for a lot of things". 

The fear that I will never have enough, and will always have to struggle to get anywhere in life. The fear that one day I will not be able to provide the kind of life I want to for my future children. The fear that I will never be able to have a career that I'm passionate about AND pays well. 

I would probably be the poster child for lack mentality if there was one. After reading the description of lack mentality, a lot of unhappiness surrounding finances in my life made sense. 

Day 30 Affirmation

Today there was a list of questions we were to answer in our journal:

• In what ways do I believe in lack?
• Do I not believe I can make money doing what I love?
• In what ways do I express a get mentality rather than a give mentality?
• Am I addicted to the high that money brings? How does that addiction show up in my life?
• Have I placed external power onto money? In what ways?
• How have my thoughts and actions reinforced my experience of lack?

Pretty much all of my answers fell under all of the ego's tricks. They were all negative, focusing on what I didn't have rather than abundance. The biggest eye opener for me was how much external power I place on money. If I look at all the rest of my answers they are negative because money is always at the top of the chain, and I'm at the bottom. People that have more seem more important than me, more established, and happier. 

Day 31 Affirmation

Yesterday, a friend and I had been texting back and forth about how our financial situations weren't the greatest right now and that we had a lot of fear of not being able to provide enough money for all of the expenses ahead. At one point, we both touched on how we felt as though we weren't contributing as much as our spouses, and that in turn made us feel useless as part of the "team". I suddenly remembered a comment a former employer had made (who has been married for 30+ years, and has built a successful business) while discussing marriage and finances. He said "Just because you don't make the same paycheck as your partner, doesn't mean you don't work as hard. You take care of your husband and your home on a day to day basis, and on top of that you also work and bring home a paycheck. Don't ever feel less valuable because of the numbers. There is huge value in taking care of others and a home-it's hard work, it takes time and energy just like any job". It's so true. I was focusing so hard on the lack of money, on the numbers I was bringing to the table compared to my husband. I was failing to see that we both work an 8 hour day, although our paychecks are different, we are putting in the same effort everyday. On top of my full time job, I take care of most of the household duties such as cooking, cleaning and laundry (hubby does help with some things). I then worked out how many hours a week I spend on the household chores, which is approximately 15 hours. That's like a part time job!

So after having that conversation with my friend, waking up to see today's affirmation I really felt a connection to it's words.

The evening exercise today was a mediation to help deepen the energetic shift around finances. I am going to post it here because I found it extremely helpful to me, and it is a meditation I will continue to use as I work to change my relationship with money.

• Sit comfortably in your meditation space.
• Place your palms facing upwards and take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
• Think your way into a scenario where you're faced with financial fear.
• Allow all your emotions to come forward. Do not deny your feelings in any way.
• Breathe deeply into the space in your body where you feel discomfort.
• Be present in the experience of discomfort.
• As you soften into the experience of your fear gently say to yourself, There is another way to perceive this.
• Breathe in: I choose to perceive abundance instead of this.
• Breathe out: I release my fear of finances.
• Breathe in: I welcome a new perspective.
• Breathe out: In this moment I welcome release.

Sit in stillness for 5 minutes and allow your inner guide to come forward. Let the voice of love enter into your mind and lead you to new creative images

p.188-189 May Cause Miracles-Gabrielle Bernstein

My horoscope on Day 31. I have been longing for a career and job change for some time now. I think I've been waiting for something to just fall into my lap rather than working towards finding a new path for myself. I was waiting for someone else to be a contact for me at their company, and get me in, rather than looking or networking myself. This horoscope really lit a fire under my a**!

Day 32 Affirmation

Today in evening reflection we were to make a list of all of the things we have that we are grateful for. Here are a few things from my list (not in any particular order):

• Owning a house/my house
• Food
• Having a job
• The cottage
• My phone
• My computer
• My bed
• My car
• My journal
• My meditation nook
• My husband
• My pup
• My parents/in-laws (all 6 of them!)
• My health
• My yoga practice
• Power Yoga Canada
• Time
• My clothes
• My wedding day
• My travels
• New friends

The purpose of this exercise was to bring to light the abundance in our lives, and it did just that. I am so grateful for each and every thing on the list I made, and I'm glad it's in my journal so that I can refer to it when I'm sensing a lot of lack in my life. Each of these things has brought some love to my life, even my phone and computer! 

Day 33 Affirmation

This evening's exercise was another list of questions to answer:
1. Identify whom you need to forgive when it comes to your finances.
2. Be conscious of your part in the situation.
3. Become willing to let go of the resentment and invite your inner guide to show you what to do. 
After answering there was a little prayer:
"Inner guide, I welcome you in to guide my forgiveness process. I recognize that these resentments no longer serve me and I'm ready to clear all that blocks my abundance. I surrender this relationship to you and I welcome your guidance. Show me the path to forgive".

Day 34 Affirmation

Sundays, which have now become my "reflection day" of the week, are a day I really look forward to. This weekend we were at the cottage for my good friend's baby shower, so I was without a cell phone or internet all weekend, and it felt GREAT! Although I couldn't post my Day 34 affirmation until Day 35, it didn't really matter to me because I had my sticky note with me as well as my journal and was able to look at it when I felt I needed to. On our way home, we always turn our phones back on and get bombarded with emails, updates, text messages, and voicemail. Yesterday was no exception, and as soon as I turned mine back on I had a voicemail. Little did I know that voicemail would bring a HUGE smile to my heart (and my face). One of our dearest friends called and left a message to say she's been thinking of me, she loves me, she thinks of me every day, and she would love to see us soon. It's little messages like this that let me know that I have chosen the right spiritual path and people in my life, and good things are coming my way.

Week 6, the final week of this journey, focuses on working miracles. The exercises in the coming week are there to help us realize our potential as miracle workers, and will lay the groundwork to get us there. Here are the 4 steps to follow in order to learn to follow your true calling: 
1. Your purpose is to heal your mind.
2. Continuously witness and surrender the fear that blocks your purpose.
3. Listen to your ing and trust in the path.
4. Choose love and know you're changing the pattern of the world. 
I keep these steps in mind and welcome week 6 with open arms!