May Cause Miracles : Week 3

This week's focus is on how the ego creates fear in how we perceive our bodies. This one is going to be a difficult one for me to look at, and also talk about. People have told me my whole life that I'm skinny. They think I shouldn't have body image issues because I fit into  that smaller size. I've had comments from friends that are negative in nature in regards to my body, things like: "you're too skinny", "you need to eat something", "you're a size smaller than 0". Or they compare my body to theirs in order to justify the fact that I have no business having body image issues. Just because I have a different body type, they feel that my own perceptions of my body are unfounded and completely ridiculous, and that there could be no way I would have any problems with how my body looks. WRONG! I think everyones ego perceives their bodies differently than what others see. Yes I may be smaller, but maybe I still don't like the way my body looks in certain clothes. Maybe the # on the scale still doesn't seem to be where it was at this time last year. And maybe I notice that when I don't eat as healthy as I would like to, my body reflects that to me. 

Day 15 Affirmation

After Mother's Day lunch at my in-laws today, my pants were feeling tight! Perfect day to make a list of how my ego causes me to have false perceptions of my body. Here is the thought process:

My pants are too tight--->My tummy is bloated and my body is starting to lose it's tone--->I want to be a certain size--->I don't exercise enough--->I'm lazy--->I haven't been eating healthy enough--->I have no will power with food lately--->I'm failing at clean eating--->I'll never be as healthy as I was last year--->I am happy when I'm healthy and my body looks a certain way--->When I don't eat healthy or my body doesn't look how I want it to I am not happy

This is just an example of some of the thoughts that went through my head this morning when I put on my pants. Look at all of those false perceptions! I always thought of myself as someone who was fairly happy with their body. I have always been more on the slender side, so I've never struggled with an unhealthy weight. Last year, after completing my "40 Days to Personal Revolution", I felt SO healthy. I had so much energy, I was eating foods that were making my body feel amazing, and I had so much will power to cut the "crap" out of my diet. I also lost all the excess weight my body was carrying around from eating processed sugars and salt. I dropped a size, but not because of over exercising or lack of eating. I was loving the new recipes I was cooking. I had a great exercise regime in place that mixed hiking and walking with my dog, working out at the gym, and power yoga. I was keeping busy and didn't find myself sitting on the couch too much. I was in the best shape of my life. My perception for being in the best shape, was that I was happy. Little did I know I had all of these false perceptions still sitting in the back of my mind, that were keeping me from being truly happy.

Day 16 Affirmation

Today, anytime my ego pushed a fearful thought about my body into my mind, I read my affirmation. It's harder to do than it seems though. Your mind becomes so accustomed to having these thoughts, that actually seeing them for what they are-a false perception-and then trying to turn that around is a whole other story. I struggled a lot with this one, but I found that the fact that I was bringing awareness to the thought was making me think about it more.

Day 17 Affirmation

This evening I took a friend to a class with me at Power Yoga Canada. She had never been to any other studio than Moksha, so I wanted to show her why I was so drawn to a power vinyasa practice. She LOVED it. I love introducing friends to their studios and style of yoga, because I love it so much. While in the jam class (a class practiced to music), I thought about my affirmation and with the music playing I felt that I was free in my body and not judging myself in postures or letting my ego take over. It was a great class!


Day 18 Affirmation

Today for the evening reflection, I had to make a list of fearful thoughts I had about my body, and then answer with a miracle minded response. This was a really great exercise, because not only are you listing out the fearful thoughts you are having about your body, you are also then answering with a loving response right away. It cleared my mind of negativity, and I felt at peace with my body the way it was, even if just for a moment.


Day 19 Affirmation

For the evening exercise, we were to write a letter to our -ing in order to open up to forgiving ourselves and our false perceptions. Over the course of the past few weeks, I've actually found it very useful to ask my -ing for guidance on a whole bunch of things that are coming up as issues for me. It's sort of like praying, but I find it easier to write than to "pray" at this point. I like to write to my -ing so that I can look back on the issues I was having a really hard time with and see how those questions have been answered or where I am now with them. 

Day 20 Affirmation

I've made it to the half way mark of this amazing journey! It has been a great addition to my daily routine, and I really look forward to my quiet reflection time or meditation to close off my day. I have already decided that I am going to make time for myself every morning to prepare for the day ahead, and in the evening to reflect back and journal even after the 40 days are completed. I recently purchased a guided yoga journal book, and I plan on starting that once my time with May Cause Miracles has come to an end.

The reflection for this week was good for me. I really read through everything in my journal for the past week and noticed all the fearful thoughts that were coming up for me. Not even just about my body, but thoughts I was still carrying from the beginning of this journey. Recurring thoughts that my ego was blocking me with. I continued to use the guided forgiveness meditation from "Spirit Junkie" throughout this week as well. Almost everyday I would meditate to forgive two people that have brought up constant ego driven thoughts in me. I am slowly thinking about them less, and really working towards forgiving them, and myself.
This leads directly into the read up for the following week, which is focused on relationships. I think this is where I need to focus most of my love and attention. I have struggled with some of the relationships in my life over the past few years, and opening myself up to why is going to be very difficult, but I'm glad that it is going to be done. While reading the intro, I was immediately drawn to two of the ego's reactions when dealing with relationships:
1. The Daily Victim-"When we're unwilling to forgive, we wake up each day feeling like a victim. We hold tight to our past hurt and resentment, replaying it in our mind over and over again. This automatic replay reinforces the ego's illusion and strengthens our perception of being the victim. Eventually we identify so closely with the role of victim that we begin to establish that dynamic in all our relationships". p.134
2. The Angry Boxer-"When the ego feels attacked, its immediate response is to attack back. The ego has faith in fear and believes that we're at the mercy of a cruel world. So it keeps its boxing gloves slung over the shoulder, always on alert to fight off an attack. These defensive thoughts and energy bleed off the angry boxer and inevitably create more negative experiences. It's a wicked cycle". p.134
I have been a mixture of these two traits, and after having read them I was replaying a number of my relationships in my head thinking "wow, that is exactly how it was". Even to this day I still exhibit these traits with certain people or in certain situations. My goal for this coming week is to focus on letting go of these traits and learning new ways to thrive in the relationships with those around me.